What an amazing Sunday service!
I am still kind of in shock over how dead on and surreal the sermon related to my situation.
The sermon was about contentment. Over the previous blogs, I have shared my Houston experience and the awesomeness.
To be honest, it has not been awesome. I have had interviews almost every week I been here. I have had interested prospects which I have turned down. One was a multi-level marketing company, for those unfamiliar with that kind of marketing just know its a deceitful and often expensive practice. Another was retail store that was offering me part-time, this store was over a hour away and after 4 interviews they wanted another interview an application filled out.
So long story short, I am poor and unemployed. I have been since August. But the crazy thing is I am not scared or worried. I do have those brief depressive moments where I feel like a failure and worthless, but who doesn't at times of desperate need. I am very content in my situation. I understand my place in Texas and my current situation. It sucks, but I am not starving and doing unhealthy thing to pass me by. I am actually doing real good, for I know I will always have a place to stay and a little cash.
Philippians 4:10-14
10How grateful I am, and how I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but for a while you didn't have the chance to help me. 11Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. 12I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. 14But even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.
This was such a great reminder. Paul was in jail and from the outside, looked like he was suffering. But thanks to his ministry partners and blessing of friends he was surviving. Now the crazy thing is he did not feel like he was suffering in fact, he was content. He displayed enough Faith, that God has given him the perspective to survive and strength to survive.
Thats how I feel. I have a place to stay, I have food in the fridge, money in my account, bills are being paid for. I may not be the richest guy in the world, but I am the richest guy in the world. This career thing will happen, when it happens until then I should press on and focus on God.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Hardest Things
Well I did it, it was the hardest thing I could of done. I fell for someone, we became real close friends and I had asked for space.
I feel sad that it came to this but I know this for the better. We kept a close friendship, unlike any I have had but I had to remove myself for awhile. Even though she did not feel the same way about me, we understood our friendship was important. For awhile, my feelings never were an issue. I actually forget it was even there, but lately they crept in and made it real hard.
Every morning call, every evening goodnight, every text, it became more apparent that I was becoming more attracted to her. I was falling hard. I truely cared for her and had genuine love for her. I looked past her imperfections and perfections and saw who she really is. And it really hurt when I couldn't be the one she thinks about at night.
But that's life, distancing myself was the hardest and only thing I could do. These feelings became a distraction. God wants me to focus on him and not on me right now and that's what I needed to do. So while I wish God's plan right now involved her, it didn't and God let me know.
I had to protect both of us, not just me, neither of us needs to get hurt at the expense of someones feelings. We cannot change each other, so why press on hoping we could.
So while I have not spoken to her in a couple days, I am still thinking about her and praying for her. Its the only thing I can do right now. I don't know when I will be on speaking terms with her again, I hope soon but God wants me to free myself of distractions and I chose to do that.
I miss her, I really do but I didn't distance myself just for myself. I hope she understands.
I feel sad that it came to this but I know this for the better. We kept a close friendship, unlike any I have had but I had to remove myself for awhile. Even though she did not feel the same way about me, we understood our friendship was important. For awhile, my feelings never were an issue. I actually forget it was even there, but lately they crept in and made it real hard.
Every morning call, every evening goodnight, every text, it became more apparent that I was becoming more attracted to her. I was falling hard. I truely cared for her and had genuine love for her. I looked past her imperfections and perfections and saw who she really is. And it really hurt when I couldn't be the one she thinks about at night.
But that's life, distancing myself was the hardest and only thing I could do. These feelings became a distraction. God wants me to focus on him and not on me right now and that's what I needed to do. So while I wish God's plan right now involved her, it didn't and God let me know.
I had to protect both of us, not just me, neither of us needs to get hurt at the expense of someones feelings. We cannot change each other, so why press on hoping we could.
So while I have not spoken to her in a couple days, I am still thinking about her and praying for her. Its the only thing I can do right now. I don't know when I will be on speaking terms with her again, I hope soon but God wants me to free myself of distractions and I chose to do that.
I miss her, I really do but I didn't distance myself just for myself. I hope she understands.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Decisions
I don't understand why people continue do the things they do, even if it's hurting them. I do know it's because we become so comfortable with it that we zone out the pain. Its something I am realizing myself with certain decisions I make.
I also don't understand why people ask for genuine advice and do the complete opposite even if they know what will happen. The outcome is always the same and never leaves happy. I realized I do the same thing too, it just sucks when people do it to you.
I been praying my hardest for a situation I am in. One I found myself caught in, it has become a habit that could really hurt me emotional. While I blame myself for not getting out sooner, I put myself before the situation rather than allow God first. This situation does not involve anything illegal by the way, its more of a distraction I should of caught on to.
I wish I could say the right things to you when we speak and things change, but I can't do that. Spend some time and talk with God and allow him to change you. He can give you more advice than I can and he is a better listener. If I am not there much, I just need some time.
I also don't understand why people ask for genuine advice and do the complete opposite even if they know what will happen. The outcome is always the same and never leaves happy. I realized I do the same thing too, it just sucks when people do it to you.
I been praying my hardest for a situation I am in. One I found myself caught in, it has become a habit that could really hurt me emotional. While I blame myself for not getting out sooner, I put myself before the situation rather than allow God first. This situation does not involve anything illegal by the way, its more of a distraction I should of caught on to.
I wish I could say the right things to you when we speak and things change, but I can't do that. Spend some time and talk with God and allow him to change you. He can give you more advice than I can and he is a better listener. If I am not there much, I just need some time.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Lack of internet
I do not have the internet, who ever's wifi I was stealing is no longer working. So now I am negotiating with my brother about purchasing some internet.
Things are going okay here, I am still unemployed and living off of the blessings of friends and family. But I have nothing to fear or worry, I have been blessed with an interview almost every week since I been here.
But I have decided to do something different, I do not receive a media job I may do my alternative.
My alternative is teaching 4th through 8th grade. I have already applied for the certification and have to make the down payment before classes start.
Teaching has always been that other career I would of done. I have always been active in working with youth in church. I have taught children's church before and loved it. It seems like a safe career because of the demand here in Houston for teachers. I take 9 classes, few tests, and a year-long paid internship and I will be certified. Its real easy to do and I know it will be fun.
Also teachers are paid $44,987 a year!
Things are going okay here, I am still unemployed and living off of the blessings of friends and family. But I have nothing to fear or worry, I have been blessed with an interview almost every week since I been here.
But I have decided to do something different, I do not receive a media job I may do my alternative.
My alternative is teaching 4th through 8th grade. I have already applied for the certification and have to make the down payment before classes start.
Teaching has always been that other career I would of done. I have always been active in working with youth in church. I have taught children's church before and loved it. It seems like a safe career because of the demand here in Houston for teachers. I take 9 classes, few tests, and a year-long paid internship and I will be certified. Its real easy to do and I know it will be fun.
Also teachers are paid $44,987 a year!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Cool things about Texas!
1. The food! There is even an Ethiopian Restaurant!
2. The opportunities here.
3. A cool church, Crossbridge Church. Great worship, message and people.
4. Things to do: ice-skating, canoeing, shopping, eating, drinking.
5. Guitar Center
6. Apple Store
7. Alamo Drafthouse Cinemas. Enjoy a good beer and eat a meal. Expensive but filling.
8. Level of creativity with arts, food and beverages. Although Guinness is a guilty pleasure, a pub decided to combine it with other brews like Dos Equis and Killians and it rocked my taste buds.
9. Number of shopping experiences here. Galleria, Memorial Mall, or the many shopping centers.
10. The different kinds of tacos.
11. Its here, whatever you need you will find it.
12. Its about to get crazy down here with Halloween.
13. $1.50 movie near my apartment.
2. The opportunities here.
3. A cool church, Crossbridge Church. Great worship, message and people.
4. Things to do: ice-skating, canoeing, shopping, eating, drinking.
5. Guitar Center
6. Apple Store
7. Alamo Drafthouse Cinemas. Enjoy a good beer and eat a meal. Expensive but filling.
8. Level of creativity with arts, food and beverages. Although Guinness is a guilty pleasure, a pub decided to combine it with other brews like Dos Equis and Killians and it rocked my taste buds.
9. Number of shopping experiences here. Galleria, Memorial Mall, or the many shopping centers.
10. The different kinds of tacos.
11. Its here, whatever you need you will find it.
12. Its about to get crazy down here with Halloween.
13. $1.50 movie near my apartment.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Protecting
Proverbs 4:23-27
23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. 24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay far from corrupt speech. 25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. 27 Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.
23 Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do. 24 Avoid all perverse talk; stay far from corrupt speech. 25 Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. 26 Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. 27 Don't get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Things about Texas
1. Drivers actually stop before the pedestrian cross walks.
2. Not allowed to be on the phone in a school zone.
3. If you need to turn, make sure you're about several miles away before the actual turn.
4. There are so many cultures here, international cuisine is everywhere and mostly buffets.
5. I could survive off the tacos alone, they are cheap and filing.
6. My brother has awful gas.
7. There is no reason to not have a job here, there is so much opportunity.
8. I have never seen so many homeless people and unemployed Hispanics looking for work.
9. Despite all the tolls, I am learning my way around them.
10. I actually enjoy the Mexican mini-stores.
11. Double the millage and that's the minutes it takes to get there.
12. The roads around me are in horrible conditions. I may need new tires soon.
2. Not allowed to be on the phone in a school zone.
3. If you need to turn, make sure you're about several miles away before the actual turn.
4. There are so many cultures here, international cuisine is everywhere and mostly buffets.
5. I could survive off the tacos alone, they are cheap and filing.
6. My brother has awful gas.
7. There is no reason to not have a job here, there is so much opportunity.
8. I have never seen so many homeless people and unemployed Hispanics looking for work.
9. Despite all the tolls, I am learning my way around them.
10. I actually enjoy the Mexican mini-stores.
11. Double the millage and that's the minutes it takes to get there.
12. The roads around me are in horrible conditions. I may need new tires soon.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
When your eyes are on the prize!
Well I made it safely to Texas. You gotta love the 70mph interstates. The scenery was amazing and so surreal. And I got to see the Joiners, what an awesome time.
So Friday evening, I have another issue God wanted me to address in my life. The issue of distractions, but He related the issue to me in such a tough and weird way.
I believe God talks to people in a certain way, in this particular instance he tugged at a certain part of me that he knew I understood. God asked, "If you could has a night with the most beautiful girl in the world would you do it, Knowing tomorrow she would still not love you and you feel bad that things have changed?"
Not exactly the question you would expect, but it was a challenge. God was really asking me would I really take a chance at all these awesome distractions in Texas, knowing they would not do anything but add a night of pleasure to my life.
God was preparing me for these distractions coming. I will be tempted, manipulated, and really pushed the edge to forget everything I stand for, just for a pleasurable and wrong activity that will only last for a short time.
So the question is, will I be easily drawn into the pleasures of certain distractions coming before me or will I walk away and know that good things are coming?
I chose to walk! I will try to walk. I have drove over 20 hours and have no reason to fail now. These distractions are not part of the big picture God has for me.
These distractions can be the nightlife, girls, beer, etc... I just have to keep my guard up. And remember if I compromise now, then I am already setting myself up for a reason to go home. God is working in my life right now, I just have put Him first and all thing will work according to his plan.
So Friday evening, I have another issue God wanted me to address in my life. The issue of distractions, but He related the issue to me in such a tough and weird way.
I believe God talks to people in a certain way, in this particular instance he tugged at a certain part of me that he knew I understood. God asked, "If you could has a night with the most beautiful girl in the world would you do it, Knowing tomorrow she would still not love you and you feel bad that things have changed?"
Not exactly the question you would expect, but it was a challenge. God was really asking me would I really take a chance at all these awesome distractions in Texas, knowing they would not do anything but add a night of pleasure to my life.
God was preparing me for these distractions coming. I will be tempted, manipulated, and really pushed the edge to forget everything I stand for, just for a pleasurable and wrong activity that will only last for a short time.
So the question is, will I be easily drawn into the pleasures of certain distractions coming before me or will I walk away and know that good things are coming?
I chose to walk! I will try to walk. I have drove over 20 hours and have no reason to fail now. These distractions are not part of the big picture God has for me.
These distractions can be the nightlife, girls, beer, etc... I just have to keep my guard up. And remember if I compromise now, then I am already setting myself up for a reason to go home. God is working in my life right now, I just have put Him first and all thing will work according to his plan.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Keeping things in perspective!
Don't compromise!
If you're friend is doing it, does not mean you should be doing it.
Don't compromise!
Wrong voices, make wrong choices.
Don't compromise!
If you don't surround yourself with positive Godly people, you will continue to fall. Make a change, a complete change. Listen to some good Christian music. Read the bible, think about what it says.
Don't compromise!
Don't fall back on unhealthy habits and thoughts because its where you feel safe and comfortable. The reason why it feels safe and comfortable now is because you made it your environment.
Don't compromise!
God designed you for a purpose, one that has lasting impacts on the kingdom and your loved ones. One of the coolest things I have ever read about our purpose in life is this,
"We know all that happens to us is working for our good - if we love God and are fitting into his plans (Romans 8:28). If you're a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good - not that all things are good - but working together for good."
Don't compromise!
If you're struggling with habits, thoughts, and actions that you are not sure of. Don't settle with them, take them to the cross. Whatever causes you to even think or do it, stop it before you even reach it. For example, if you struggle with porn, don't buy a computer. If you're an alcoholic, don't walk near the alcohol section at the store. If you like to do drugs with friends, don't answer theircall you know why they are calling you.
Change is possible, I know it is. But there is a difference between wanting to change and the actually desire to change. I want to change is like saying I want a car. Its just a statement is not an action. I desire to change is a positive thought and requires implementation.
My personal testimony is I got ride of certain voices, things, and thoughts in my life that I knew would not help me move forward. I desired a change, I knew I could do it. But if I really was going to change it starts by changing my habits.
Before I even decided to move to Texas, God wanted me to make some changes in my life. I didn't want to, I was embarrassed, I had a hard time letting go. But it seems God had a bigger plan for why He wanted me to do it and now I see why.
First: I got ride of all my rated R and unrated movies that I knew were not good to watch. The hardest thing to do was get ride of 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies.
Second: Change my internet habits, no more late nights on the internet unless I was doing something productive like looking for a job or devotional time.
Third: I love video games but that become a big habit. I sold my Xbox 360 and video games.
I have an incredible desire to let people know whats going through my head right now. God is really using this moving for a higher calling. I know all my blogs are grammatically incorrect, but God is renewing my faith and people need to know. I could reword everything so its grammatically correct, but what fun would that be. God is using an imperfect person as me, and using me a light and an example of his love.
If you're friend is doing it, does not mean you should be doing it.
Don't compromise!
Wrong voices, make wrong choices.
Don't compromise!
If you don't surround yourself with positive Godly people, you will continue to fall. Make a change, a complete change. Listen to some good Christian music. Read the bible, think about what it says.
Don't compromise!
Don't fall back on unhealthy habits and thoughts because its where you feel safe and comfortable. The reason why it feels safe and comfortable now is because you made it your environment.
Don't compromise!
God designed you for a purpose, one that has lasting impacts on the kingdom and your loved ones. One of the coolest things I have ever read about our purpose in life is this,
"We know all that happens to us is working for our good - if we love God and are fitting into his plans (Romans 8:28). If you're a believer, the Bible says all things are working together for good - not that all things are good - but working together for good."
Don't compromise!
If you're struggling with habits, thoughts, and actions that you are not sure of. Don't settle with them, take them to the cross. Whatever causes you to even think or do it, stop it before you even reach it. For example, if you struggle with porn, don't buy a computer. If you're an alcoholic, don't walk near the alcohol section at the store. If you like to do drugs with friends, don't answer theircall you know why they are calling you.
Change is possible, I know it is. But there is a difference between wanting to change and the actually desire to change. I want to change is like saying I want a car. Its just a statement is not an action. I desire to change is a positive thought and requires implementation.
My personal testimony is I got ride of certain voices, things, and thoughts in my life that I knew would not help me move forward. I desired a change, I knew I could do it. But if I really was going to change it starts by changing my habits.
Before I even decided to move to Texas, God wanted me to make some changes in my life. I didn't want to, I was embarrassed, I had a hard time letting go. But it seems God had a bigger plan for why He wanted me to do it and now I see why.
First: I got ride of all my rated R and unrated movies that I knew were not good to watch. The hardest thing to do was get ride of 40 Year Old Virgin, one of my favorite movies.
Second: Change my internet habits, no more late nights on the internet unless I was doing something productive like looking for a job or devotional time.
Third: I love video games but that become a big habit. I sold my Xbox 360 and video games.
I have an incredible desire to let people know whats going through my head right now. God is really using this moving for a higher calling. I know all my blogs are grammatically incorrect, but God is renewing my faith and people need to know. I could reword everything so its grammatically correct, but what fun would that be. God is using an imperfect person as me, and using me a light and an example of his love.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Freeze's Epic Adventure Anthem
Forward Motion by Thousand Foot Krutch
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
If we sort this out, would we know how,
To live like we were different,
I know we've both had some doubts,
whether things would come around,
And look at us now
I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
I never thought, we'd doubt,
Whether this world would come, Around, and work itself out
But it's more than a sound,
When it moves everyone around, Are you ready now?
And I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
I won't, be afraid, Your hands they cover me,
It's so worth it,
I can't let it fade
My hands are high up raised,
'Cause it's worth it
And I'm not trying to tell you,
I'm not trying to tell you,
And I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
If we sort this out, would we know how,
To live like we were different,
I know we've both had some doubts,
whether things would come around,
And look at us now
I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
I never thought, we'd doubt,
Whether this world would come, Around, and work itself out
But it's more than a sound,
When it moves everyone around, Are you ready now?
And I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
I won't, be afraid, Your hands they cover me,
It's so worth it,
I can't let it fade
My hands are high up raised,
'Cause it's worth it
And I'm not trying to tell you,
I'm not trying to tell you,
And I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life...
But,
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Let's keep it moving in a forward motion,
If we can hold on, we can cross this ocean,
There's no sense in lettin' our emotions,
Get in the way, until the door keeps closin'
Monday, September 14, 2009
Its all about faith!
Another pressing issue God was putting on my heart is the issue of Faith. Do I trust the Lord enough to take this huge risk? Am I even ready to take such a risk?
I have put in so many resumes all across the United States, I have considered the military, and nothing has happened. I have held some pretty cool jobs in Fayetteville, but the market has changed and I need a change. I am ready for something new, something fresh, something challenging, something that will make me want to work.
But the issue here is, am I really ready to take this risk? Can I really pack up all my stuff and move 1000's of miles away to a completely different state, with no job and little money?
Yes, I can!
Funny thing about faith, its something you can't see but you know its there. Its something that lifts you off your feet and prepares you for the inevitable, no matter what it is. Also its a learning experience. And most importantly its chance to feel the awesome embrace of God. Its God's way of saying, "Its a surprise so don't worry, I got your back."
Hebrew 11:1 - What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.
God wanted me to step out in faith, with a plan though, but trust in him that I will not be abandoned. And he reminded me at 3AM one morning, in His scripture, why I should trust him when I do it, so my response is my prayer for this adventure.
Lord Jesus, you said if I have faith I can move mountains. (Matthew 21:21-22)
So Lord, I have a mountain I am ready to move.
Lord Jesus, you said if I have faith I can walk on water. (Matthew 14:28-29)
So Lord, I am ready to remove the boat beneath my feet.
These mountains I am about to move are my fears, jealousy, failures, pains, curses, and guilt I have felt over the years. And God was telling me step out in faith and I am going to remove those mountains blocking you.
God was telling me to get off my boat, get out of my house, remove myself and take a risk. Trust in him, walk on water. Don't be afraid of drowning.
Since then, I have no looked back. I am so excited for my trip and whats about to happen. I am stepping out in faith and taking this awesome risk.
I have put in so many resumes all across the United States, I have considered the military, and nothing has happened. I have held some pretty cool jobs in Fayetteville, but the market has changed and I need a change. I am ready for something new, something fresh, something challenging, something that will make me want to work.
But the issue here is, am I really ready to take this risk? Can I really pack up all my stuff and move 1000's of miles away to a completely different state, with no job and little money?
Yes, I can!
Funny thing about faith, its something you can't see but you know its there. Its something that lifts you off your feet and prepares you for the inevitable, no matter what it is. Also its a learning experience. And most importantly its chance to feel the awesome embrace of God. Its God's way of saying, "Its a surprise so don't worry, I got your back."
Hebrew 11:1 - What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen. It is the evidence of things we cannot yet see.
God wanted me to step out in faith, with a plan though, but trust in him that I will not be abandoned. And he reminded me at 3AM one morning, in His scripture, why I should trust him when I do it, so my response is my prayer for this adventure.
Lord Jesus, you said if I have faith I can move mountains. (Matthew 21:21-22)
So Lord, I have a mountain I am ready to move.
Lord Jesus, you said if I have faith I can walk on water. (Matthew 14:28-29)
So Lord, I am ready to remove the boat beneath my feet.
These mountains I am about to move are my fears, jealousy, failures, pains, curses, and guilt I have felt over the years. And God was telling me step out in faith and I am going to remove those mountains blocking you.
God was telling me to get off my boat, get out of my house, remove myself and take a risk. Trust in him, walk on water. Don't be afraid of drowning.
Since then, I have no looked back. I am so excited for my trip and whats about to happen. I am stepping out in faith and taking this awesome risk.
So what is God telling you about FEAR!
As I make this transition to a new era in my life, I had to evaluate who I am and what is stopping me from moving forward. I don’t claim to know everything but I really feel God has used a time such as this to give me a spiritual slap in the head and it has given me so much peace. I believe you can feel this spiritual slap in the head that gives you peace.
There are habits in my life I need to ride myself of. There are curse upon my family I need to pray away. And there is anger toward my parents, I need to forgive.
First thing I had to do was conquer my fear. I need to address the root of my fear and remove it.
I was moving to completely different state, thousands of miles away with little money. I was moving to Texas with no job and I am sharing a one bedroom apartment with my younger brother. I was really scared. I have never been this far from home for an extended period of time. I almost felt like an alien.
I started to worry. All these thoughts cluttered through my head, what if I don’t find a job, what if I spend all my money, what if I get robbed or get in a car wreck? What if my mom and dad cut me off? Will all work and no play make Chris a dull boy?
All these thoughts were not positive thoughts and I had to free myself of being worried. I had to remind myself I am starting over and it will be a hard transition. I would have to work at it and plant my feet as soon as I get to Houston. But what if I fail? I feared failure. That word kept screaming in my head. And then the Lord revealed a verse, I got tattooed on me awhile back, Matt 6:27 – “will all the worries add a single moment to your life?”
Simple question with only one true answer.
I had considered the idea of failure long before I set foot in Houston. I considered my fail-safe plan long before I set foot in Houston. So what if I fail? I always knew I could go back home. I could live with mommy and daddy, be supported by them till I get back on my feet like I have for some many years. There is that possibility. But what I had really done by even worrying about failure for me was create a reason to meet my fail-safe plan.
I was like one of those charts many businesses have in their building that list future investments or goals, after x amount of dollars is made, they color it in. My fail-safe plan was at the top, all I had to do was color in each week as I remained jobless or I could make a list of goals I knew I could not meet each week, and color those in. Possibilities were endless. My life was not going to be a chart colored in and failure was not going to be an option.
I had one chance to start over, one chance to try something new. I was taking a huge risk and I knew this what I had to do. I have the support of my family and friends.
What do I have to lose? What is wrong with trying something different? I need a change and here is my chance to do it with the support of my family and friends, what an awesome blessing to receive.
Oh my family, my parents what a mess. I cannot begin to count off the promises, the curses, the lies, and the patterns of brokenness coming from our relationship. But I love them; they took me in when I lost my job. They clothed and feed me, they gave me money. They may not have given me a lot but they blessed me. I survived and now they are providing me with an exit out of here.
Will all these worries add a single moment to my life? More importantly, Will all these worries about failure add a single moment to my life? That’s a big NO!
Hello New
I am packing my bags, selling my stuff, and heading west to Houston, Texas. I have no job, very little money, and an amazing relationship with God. I will be living with my younger brother in his one bedroom apartment.
Friday, September is the day!
Friday, September is the day!
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