Hardest Things

Well I did it, it was the hardest thing I could of done. I fell for someone, we became real close friends and I had asked for space.

I feel sad that it came to this but I know this for the better. We kept a close friendship, unlike any I have had but I had to remove myself for awhile. Even though she did not feel the same way about me, we understood our friendship was important. For awhile, my feelings never were an issue. I actually forget it was even there, but lately they crept in and made it real hard.

Every morning call, every evening goodnight, every text, it became more apparent that I was becoming more attracted to her. I was falling hard. I truely cared for her and had genuine love for her. I looked past her imperfections and perfections and saw who she really is. And it really hurt when I couldn't be the one she thinks about at night.

But that's life, distancing myself was the hardest and only thing I could do. These feelings became a distraction. God wants me to focus on him and not on me right now and that's what I needed to do. So while I wish God's plan right now involved her, it didn't and God let me know.

I had to protect both of us, not just me, neither of us needs to get hurt at the expense of someones feelings. We cannot change each other, so why press on hoping we could.

So while I have not spoken to her in a couple days, I am still thinking about her and praying for her. Its the only thing I can do right now. I don't know when I will be on speaking terms with her again, I hope soon but God wants me to free myself of distractions and I chose to do that.

I miss her, I really do but I didn't distance myself just for myself. I hope she understands.