What an amazing Sunday service!
I am still kind of in shock over how dead on and surreal the sermon related to my situation.
The sermon was about contentment. Over the previous blogs, I have shared my Houston experience and the awesomeness.
To be honest, it has not been awesome. I have had interviews almost every week I been here. I have had interested prospects which I have turned down. One was a multi-level marketing company, for those unfamiliar with that kind of marketing just know its a deceitful and often expensive practice. Another was retail store that was offering me part-time, this store was over a hour away and after 4 interviews they wanted another interview an application filled out.
So long story short, I am poor and unemployed. I have been since August. But the crazy thing is I am not scared or worried. I do have those brief depressive moments where I feel like a failure and worthless, but who doesn't at times of desperate need. I am very content in my situation. I understand my place in Texas and my current situation. It sucks, but I am not starving and doing unhealthy thing to pass me by. I am actually doing real good, for I know I will always have a place to stay and a little cash.
Philippians 4:10-14
10How grateful I am, and how I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but for a while you didn't have the chance to help me. 11Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. 12I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. 13For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need. 14But even so, you have done well to share with me in my present difficulty.
This was such a great reminder. Paul was in jail and from the outside, looked like he was suffering. But thanks to his ministry partners and blessing of friends he was surviving. Now the crazy thing is he did not feel like he was suffering in fact, he was content. He displayed enough Faith, that God has given him the perspective to survive and strength to survive.
Thats how I feel. I have a place to stay, I have food in the fridge, money in my account, bills are being paid for. I may not be the richest guy in the world, but I am the richest guy in the world. This career thing will happen, when it happens until then I should press on and focus on God.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Hardest Things
Well I did it, it was the hardest thing I could of done. I fell for someone, we became real close friends and I had asked for space.
I feel sad that it came to this but I know this for the better. We kept a close friendship, unlike any I have had but I had to remove myself for awhile. Even though she did not feel the same way about me, we understood our friendship was important. For awhile, my feelings never were an issue. I actually forget it was even there, but lately they crept in and made it real hard.
Every morning call, every evening goodnight, every text, it became more apparent that I was becoming more attracted to her. I was falling hard. I truely cared for her and had genuine love for her. I looked past her imperfections and perfections and saw who she really is. And it really hurt when I couldn't be the one she thinks about at night.
But that's life, distancing myself was the hardest and only thing I could do. These feelings became a distraction. God wants me to focus on him and not on me right now and that's what I needed to do. So while I wish God's plan right now involved her, it didn't and God let me know.
I had to protect both of us, not just me, neither of us needs to get hurt at the expense of someones feelings. We cannot change each other, so why press on hoping we could.
So while I have not spoken to her in a couple days, I am still thinking about her and praying for her. Its the only thing I can do right now. I don't know when I will be on speaking terms with her again, I hope soon but God wants me to free myself of distractions and I chose to do that.
I miss her, I really do but I didn't distance myself just for myself. I hope she understands.
I feel sad that it came to this but I know this for the better. We kept a close friendship, unlike any I have had but I had to remove myself for awhile. Even though she did not feel the same way about me, we understood our friendship was important. For awhile, my feelings never were an issue. I actually forget it was even there, but lately they crept in and made it real hard.
Every morning call, every evening goodnight, every text, it became more apparent that I was becoming more attracted to her. I was falling hard. I truely cared for her and had genuine love for her. I looked past her imperfections and perfections and saw who she really is. And it really hurt when I couldn't be the one she thinks about at night.
But that's life, distancing myself was the hardest and only thing I could do. These feelings became a distraction. God wants me to focus on him and not on me right now and that's what I needed to do. So while I wish God's plan right now involved her, it didn't and God let me know.
I had to protect both of us, not just me, neither of us needs to get hurt at the expense of someones feelings. We cannot change each other, so why press on hoping we could.
So while I have not spoken to her in a couple days, I am still thinking about her and praying for her. Its the only thing I can do right now. I don't know when I will be on speaking terms with her again, I hope soon but God wants me to free myself of distractions and I chose to do that.
I miss her, I really do but I didn't distance myself just for myself. I hope she understands.
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